


an ancient kind of grief

by CharlotteDaBookworm



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Childhood Friends, Episode: s12e01 Spyfall Part 1, Friendship, Gen, Identity Reveal, Memories, Regeneration, Spoilers for Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Uses They/Them Pronouns, internally anyway, they don't really care what people call them because who cares about human genders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-22 09:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22180501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteDaBookworm/pseuds/CharlotteDaBookworm
Summary: A friendship older than your civilisation and infinitely more complex"I'm her best enemy." He says.I want my friend back, Missy’s voice whispers in their memories, heartwrenching in its desperate honesty.The Doctor stares into the face of their oldest enemy.
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor & The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 174





	an ancient kind of grief

* * *

_“Got me_.”

The Doctor’s hearts stutter as O’s face transforms, stilling, his eyes darkening as a smirk edges his lips. A faint sensation blooming into life teases at the edge of their mind, sending dread creeping down their spine.

“Well done,” O says, sardonic and genuine all at once, and the Doctor stares and they can’t look away from the malice that O wears like a cloak.

A familiar cloak.

“What’s going on Doc?”

The Doctor swallows. “I don’t know.” The lie – and it is a lie, they know, _they know_ , but isn’t because they can’t bring themselves to accept it – slips off of their tongue easily, like all the lies and half-truths and misdirections have in this regeneration that talks so much and says so little.

Their world is crumbling down around them.

_(i had a friend once-)_

O smirks. “You’d best take a look out the window.”

_(-we ran together when we were little-)_

They know, even before they rush to the window, what they’ll see. The sight of the house – _TARDIS,_ it’s a TARDIS, _his_ TARDIS, that they haven’t seen in so long but had stood in just hours ago and _how did they not realise?_ – still knocks the breath from their lungs.

_(-and i thought we were the same-)_

“How is your house out that?” Graham, sensible, curious, confused Graham asks and the Doctor can’t-

“All a bit ‘wicked witch of the west’ but you get the gist.” ‘O’ says, all cheerful _vicious_ victory as he turns to face them and he knows they know. _(-when we grew up, we weren’t)_. “Maybe. Maybe not?”

_and you think that, if she did, she’d change?_ Bill’s voice echoes in their ears, young and disbelieving and terrified but placing their trust in them. In their answer. _I know she would_ , they’d replied, hearts full of so much hope it had hurt. _I know it_.

“No,” they mutter, looking down, looking _away_ , because the rage – the madness – in those eyes is like a blow.

“Oh,” he says, leaning – _always leaning_. “Come on Doctor, catch up.” And there was the impatience, the irritation at how _slow_ everyone is compared to them. ( _always so brilliant-)_ It’s why they’d made such good friends _(-so fast, so funny-)_ when they were children. “You can do it.” He says, so patronising, so like back then-

_we had a pact; me and him. every star in the universe, we were going to see them all._

“Ohhhh,” The Doctor folds over, chest aching with betrayal old and new _(stand with me, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. me too… but no; sorry- just, no)_ and intense relief, as they finally accept what they’d already known.

_that’s the trouble with hope. it’s hard to resist._

He smirks at them – as he always does when they fall for his tricks, and the familiarity is almost a balm against their seared mind except- “That’s my name,” he laughs callously. “And _that_ is why I chose it. Oh. _So satisfying._ ”

A part of them, the part that isn’t currently writhing in betrayal, the cold part of them that they prefer to shove down and pretend doesn’t exist, can appreciate the genius of it.

But the rest of them remembers two schoolchildren who’d run through fields of red grass together, who sat together and ran together and caused trouble together. Two children, two students, who whispered their Chosen Names to each other before anyone else. Childhood friends. Inseparable. The rest of the Doctor remembers the man who had helped them raise their children, remembers _Koschei_ who laughed with _Theta,_ remember _s_ who the Master had been before he couldn’t fight the drums anymore, remembers the friend who was the first to know the oath behind the name _Doctor_.

That part of them _hurts_.

“Doctor- I did say, look for the spymaster. Or should I say, spy- _Master_.”

_(i love it when you say my name)_

_(couldn’t very well keep going around calling myself the_ Master _, now, could I?)_

The Master waves. “Hi.”

“You can’t be,” they breathe, hearts full of horror as they stare at the rage in those dark eyes.

The Doctor had _felt_ Missy die, on that ship, and then they had blown up the entire ship and _they hadn’t felt her regenerate._

“Oh, I can be. I very much am.”

“So wot’s going on then? He’s not really O?” Ryan asks, so confused, but they can hardly hear his voice over the beating of their hearts – over the ancient grief and still aching betrayal and stolen hope, over the sound of every bit of distance they’d managed to create between them and their memories crumbling away.

The only thing holding them upright is their white-knuckled hand on the back of the seats.

“I’m her best enemy.” The Master says in response to their fam’s questions, walking towards them and laughing at the look on their face when they move away.

_without hope, without witness, without reward, I am your friend._

His words stab deep and he is so proud of it.

_(you’ve changed- I know you have)_

He smirks. “Call me _Master_.”

_(“Master,_ really _?” They’d asked, rolling over on the roof to stare at their friend. “They aren’t going to let you get away with that.”_

_Koschei had grinned. “It means teacher.” He said smugly, imagining the reactions of their teachers, and Theta grinned when he shared the image with them._

_“I think you’re just pandering to your ego actually.” Their friend scowled. “What, don’t tell me you don’t love the idea of everyone walking around calling you Master.”_

_Kos blushed, then shoved them off the roof when they laughed._

_They both ended up in detention. Again.)_

The fam stares. “Master?” They don’t understand. “Call you _wot?”_ They _know_.

He looks at them, looks at their fam, and his smirk darkens with that familiar malicious glee as he tears their world apart. “Me and her, we go way _way **way**_ back.”

_I want my friend back_ , Missy’s voice whispers in their memories, heartwrenching in its desperate honesty.

The Doctor stares into the face of their oldest enemy.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah. this is probably pretty shit because i should be sleeping but this idea got stuck in my head and i couldn't shake it so


End file.
